this is. my broken. childhood

Football Games Cause Pain in the Rain
...written on 2004-10-01, @ 10:26 p.m.

Tonight was a football game against Mark Twain. I don't know how the game ended, but I am hoping we kicked butt because they are terrible and it would be embarressing to lose. A friend of mine from there wants to be a Palmyra Panther. She is never with the Mark Twain people-always with the Palmyra people. She is dating a guy from here who is in 8th grade! and she found out what he looks like at the game when someone INTRODUCED them. They have been "going out" for quite a while.

I had a deep conversation on the phone with Courtney tonight (I know, I know You are thinking: Courtney...deep?). I asked her if she really liked Dale (her boyfriend) she kinda didn't reply. So I asked her why she was dating him. Courtney said that she felt like he was the only guy to go out with her and she wants a boyfriend.
That broke my heart. Because 1) No one should ever just settle for something because they give up on what they really want. 2) I know how she feels when she wants a boyfriend to be kind and pay attention to her. 3) That is totally untrue and Courtney could do sooo much better. So we talked and decided that I should break up with Dale for her. Because he pays no attention to her and she shouldn't be in an uncaring relationship.

Adam called tonight before his game. I like Adam and he is nice and all but the thing is I don't think he is the kind of guy I would want to go out with. I thought I could relate to him but we don't really have that much in common. I don't feel like we connect very well. So I am going to try to keep a friendship.

Tongiht at the game (which was cold and wet) I realized the Adam thing I also realized that everyone else seems to know exactly what they are going to do with their life. They all know what they want to do as a job, were they want to go to college, and where they are going to live. I on the other hand...DON'T. I have changed my mind about things so many times that I have completely lost focus of everything I was aiming for. All I have now is the goal to get good grades but at the moment I don't have any other reason to get the grades except to make my dad happy so he doesn't ground me. So from now on I am going to explore all my options and everytime I find a job that interests me or a field that interest me then I will try to learn more about it so I can have some options and motivation in my life.

On a lighter note, I had a good time at the game even though it was pouring. I talked a lot to Michael and John. Some to Yagey and Garrett (just a hi). I figured out who the two guys that were in the backseat of the Jeep Cody and Micheal (Doug's brother). hehe. I have seen John in three different vehicles, two of them were his and he has 84-or-something truck I haven't seen yet. I hugged Fluffy and saw Troy. Brandon stalked me. Anna ran around with Jared. Ect. Ect.

Lately Michael has seemed really upset sometimes others he doesn't and I wonder what is wrong with him. He can be moody. Like Dustin (who is moving tear, tear). But like earlier I was walking around with Michael and it was great we were having a great time talking and laughing then all the sudden he got really quite and wouldn't say much the whole time. He wouldn't tell me what was wrong either, just that he was thinking so I left him to doing just that.

broken | childhood