Me
bio
Reads
coonfreak08
amspecks90
extremesock
| Powered by TagBoard Message Board |
Disclaimer
My diary, my space, my rights. Don't like what you see? Feel free to hit that little X up there. Thanks.
Prince Charming Is Lost and Too Stubborn to Ask for Directions
...written on 2004-07-16, @ 11:37 p.m.
Everyone wants to know why the smallest things piss me off. The truth is that I have no idea myself. Things that other people take lightly and shrug off drive me to the point of bitchyness. There seems to be some force that drives me to do that. Like when I can't ever seem to do something exactly right it drives me to the point of insanity until I finally do it correctly or convince myself into a state where I think that I don't have to do it. Those talks take a long time to complete.
I wish I could fix whatever is causing me to be so high matience but it is a bad habit and those are hard to break. I don't think that I always have the time or patience to try to stop.
Kayla and I talked about this was why I cant ever stay with a gut and she said "no, you cant stay with a guy because you're afraid of commitment, you're afraid that someday you might like some guy enough to actually go out with him for more than a month"
Then I talked about how I got tired of a guy after so long and another mess of words flew across the screen "how do you get "tired" of guys???...i know i haven't had a bf for more than a week, but how do they get boring? why do you go out with them in the first place if they're going to get boring? i know what you're going to say. you don't KNOW that they're going to get boring. maybe you should start being more choosy and pick out what you really want in a bf. not just a certain thing about a guy."
I don't know why I go out with them when they are just going to get boring. I haven't found the right guy yet. The things Kayla said tonigt about being more choosy and being sure that I really like them make a lot of sense. I should really be more careful and look before I leap into another "bad" relationship. I am glad I have friends like Kayla that can help me re-adjust my way of thinking and help me out.
There is a part of me that is scared I might actually fall in love with a guy. What if he doesn't love me and my heart breaks. I have heard of those sad stories so many times and it freaks me out. I am not sure I could be strong enough to get over it. I suppose I would have to move on.
And like Kayla also said maybe I am not ready for a boyfriend. I do like just flirting with random guys. Maybe I am just meant to flirt with random guys until I find the one I fall in love with. That perfect guy with tanned muscles and not much taller than me with dark thick hair. Sometimes he haunts my dreams. O where is he...my prince charming...