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I am broke-er.
...written on 2004-12-01, @ 9:32 p.m.
I don't know what to talk about. I am drving myself insane. My horoscope said that today would be a day of confusion and I just need to hang in there. I need a margarita or two.
I just got my straightener to calm myself so maybe the people in my head can live together for a couple hours without giving me a headache. I will continue typing when I finish with my hair.
15 minutes later....my hair halfway done. I don't feel like working on it anymore so I have stopped to finish this...
Today in Ag I started talking to myself outloud. I am pretty sure everyone was listening to me but I couldn't stop talking. I was talking about making synthetic oxygen and becoming a millionaire-until Austin said, "Shut up! Nobody cares!"
Luckily Ben yelled back, "I care!"
and Caitlyn said "I care, too!" and Nathan said, "So shut up, Austin!" At least somepeople care about me.
Conversation with Brandon if Anyone Cares (I don't feel like sumarizing so I will just copy and paste the whole thing):
Kas... says:
i am about to have a breakdown
Brandon... says:
whats wrong??
Kas... says:
i miss john
Brandon... says:
ic
Kas... says:
i dont know what to do
Brandon... says:
i donno what i could do to help u
Brandon... says:
sorry
Kas... says:
should i talk to him or just go on
Brandon... says:
talk to him
Brandon... says:
it aint wrong to
Kas... says:
i mean should i talk to him about how i feel
Brandon... says:
i donno, do u want him back?
Kas... says:
i dont want just start going out with him
Kas... says:
i want to take things slower but i want more than friendship
Brandon... says:
ic
Brandon... says:
so u want him back, but u dont just wanna flat out tell him that, and u want it slow?
Kas... says:
something like that
Kas... says:
i want him back but i dont want to be in a serious relationship
Brandon... says:
u just want a relationship for now
Brandon... says:
nothin too serious, just something slow movin
Kas... says:
yes i dont want to jump into anything
Brandon... says:
yea
Brandon... says:
in tryin to figure out a way for u to do that, but im comin up empty.....i no wat u mean, just cant figure out how u should do it
Kas... says:
o heck its prolly a lost cause. he prolly likes some tall skinny beautiful girl
Brandon... says:
ok, if u want him back, fek the idea of him likin someone else
Brandon... says:
thats a first step rite there
Kas... says:
you dont think he does?
Brandon... says:
i seriously doubt it
Kas... says:
sometimes in class i catch him staring at me and it confuses me
Brandon... says:
he could be in deep thought, or he could want u back, dont quote me on that though
Kas... says:
ok i wont
Brandon... says:
those are the only two options though
Kas... says:
i want to know how he feels before i spill my guts
Brandon... says:
yea, u need someone to either ask him about u, or just talk about u around him or something like that
Kas... says:
hmmmmm who would do that for me
Brandon... says:
i could i guess, but i wont
Brandon... says:
im not in this, its between u and him
Brandon... says:
i aint gonna interfere one way or another
Brandon... says:
sorry
Kas... says:
BRANDON
Kas... says:
you interfered b4
Brandon... says:
how did i interfere before?
Kas... says:
you and john talked about me when i wasnt around at the football games
Brandon... says:
that aint interfering, thats just talk
Brandon... says:
and thats when i knew he liked u for a while before we talked about u
Kas... says:
then just talk this time
Brandon... says:
it is just too odd, talkin to him about his ex
Brandon... says:
its not my place anymore, if he still liked u, and it was obvious to me, i wuld do it, but i donno if he still likes u, so its just odd
Sad when I am going to Brandon for love advice because none of my other friends are available.